Waltzing Matilda

Student: “Hang on, let me take my dance partner back.” (picks up headless skeleton and dances out of the room)

Hermione?

Student: “I think it’s funny that that Olympic chick got her gold taken away because she was taking hemorrhoids. No, not hemorrhoids! Hormones!”

The world would have been a better place

1:  (confused) “My humps. My humps.”
2: “My lovely lady lumps. WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN?! It doesn’t even matter, it’s just dumb–”
1: “And the other one, stick the junk in your trunk with a dump ’cause I smoke dope. Or something. I didn’t even know it was a real song, I thought it was just a joke song in movies…”

How about koalas?

Guy: “Do you like wallabies?”
Girl: “…No.”

I’m dyin’ inside…

Guy 1: (singing) “And nooobody knooows it but meeeeeeee..”
Guy 2: (harsh whisper) “Shut up!”

B: “What day’s Thanksgiving?”
Prof: “It’s Thursday, B.”
B: “Well, I didn’t know!”

Huh.

S: “Yeah..[sighs] I’d say the hardest part for me was making the particular hues bright and dark enough.”

[For clarification, the paint in question dries extremely dark.]

No.

S: “What particular technique did you use to mix those particular colors?”
Me: “I just mixed the color with black until it all looked black.”
S: “Oh. So you painted your paper red and then painted over it in black?”

Is that all?

S: “I’d say for me, a masterpiece takes a good week.”

You encouraged, accepted, agreed, consented AND approved?

Guy 1: “And then she said she had a boyfriend.”
Guy 2: “She had a boyfriend?”
Guy 1: “Yes.”
Guy 2: “And then she hit on you?”
Guy 1: “Yes.”
Guy 2: “And you agreed?”
Guy 1: “Yes.”
Guy 2: “You consented?”
Guy 1: “Yeah. I mean, even though it was illegal…”